I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
