When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
