Just took my morning after pill in the library
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
