I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize