Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Your dad touched me again.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
