Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize