I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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