I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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