is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
