I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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