Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
babies were throwing up all over the place
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
