I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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