i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
