We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
