There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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