The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
