she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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