So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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