Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
