This is not my ceiling
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
