Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
