i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
