thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
