Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
