Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My breasts were aching with rage.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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