by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
