I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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