marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
