In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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