Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
