Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
