I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
