Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
