my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
