I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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