I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
