Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
