I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
