did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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