He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
