Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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