Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
