Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
