Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
