I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
