My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
