After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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