my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
