I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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