then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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