Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize