can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
