final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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