honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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