Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
