I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
soo... how was my night?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize