Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
