I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
