yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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