I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My pussy is not your playground.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
