Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
love makes seman taste better
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize