everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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