every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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