there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
