Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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