I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
