you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize