Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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