Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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