oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i jhust puked up my retainher.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
