nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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