I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
