Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
