I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
