so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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