She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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