:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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