when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize