I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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