But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
