There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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