Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
