Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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