pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
