Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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