Whoa Z and x make the same sound
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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