last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
