yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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